Broken Inside
by sk8terboi
Summary: Guilt, Depression and Abuse take over Harry after 4th Year -read and review-
1. A Piece of Harry's Life

Broken Inside  
  
Chapter 1-A Piece of Harry's Life  
  
Authors Note: Only the plot is mine, no characters belong to me, they belong to brilliant Mrs.J.K Rowling  
  
"Kill the Spare" Voldermort said in a icy voice ordering his fateful servant, Wormtail. "Avada Kadavra" Wormtail said pointing right a Cedric. *not again please* Harry thought before bright green light blinded harry's vision for a quarter of a second. Then heard a "thud". A dead classmate on the floor which flooded Harry's mind. *my fault.* Harry thought, before waking up with sweat running down his young face.  
  
Now Harry Potter isn't an ordinary boy, for a matter of fact he is a wizard. Not any wizard. Famous in the wizard world, but not even reconized in the Muggle world. If you look at young Potter's forehead you see a thin lightning scar which is a souvenir of the fateful night, killing Lily and James Potter.  
  
Harry was still panting, these nightmares were continuing into even worse ones. Luckily tonight it was one of those. The ones that his mother and father would blame him for everything he done wrong and blaming for there death. Or the ones Cedric blaming him for his, just to get Cho to like him. Sure he liked to be in Cedric shoes so Cho would be attracted to him, but never kill him! It was only the first week of the holidays and he has bruises and cuts on his legs, arms, back, and chest. His uncle, started to beat him everyday just for his pleasure, and occasionally he'll invite his son, Dudley and his friends to join in his fun.  
  
Harry stayed up all night doing his potion homework. 4 foot essay! Not if he doesn't have the time. He really has the whole summer vacation nights, probably he couldn't do it during the day time. Usually would be flooded with orders, what chore to do. After the beatings and chores, Harry was sore obvoiusly.  
  
The next morning Harry woke up around 6:00 am. *great slavery* Harry wispered to him self while looking in the bathroom mirror which he really isn't allowed to be in here. He looked at his pale face with a cut down his left cheek, and big bags under his bright emerald green eyes, but now they are dull green. His clothes were about 4 sizes too big for his. Really you believed these were his clothes! More like Dudley's old clothes. "Why am I, staring at my self?" muttered Harry to himself. A little to loudly, Uncle Vernon was heading to the bathroom as fast as his fat body proportion can take him.  
  
"Boy! Why are you in the bathroom?" boomed Vernon which had a bright purple angry appearance, but on the other hand he had a slight malicious smile plastered on his fat lips.  
  
"Sorry Sir, but." whispered Harry with his eyes tightly closed. *please.don't Uncle Vernon* Harry thought at the same time.  
  
"That's not an answer! Now for your punishment," Vernon raised his voice for his first sentence, then lowered it for the last it with a huge mean smile on his face. Harry crawled into a ball getting ready to have some defense against Vernon, while Vernon took a towel metal holder. He started bashing it on top of Harry's head and then down his back.  
  
The pain. I deserve it. Ouch! I wish Voldermort just killed me there and then, but then again torching is way more effective. Harry thought.  
  
Vernon swung it one more time on his back and yelled, "Learned yet, Freak?"  
  
"Yes Sir." Harry whimpered in pain. Don't cry, Harry, that is what he wants to see besides your going to be 15 soon. 14 and 15 years old don't cry  
  
"Get out of my sight now!" Vernon yelled then kicked him hard out of the bathroom on the hip. Harry stumbled out of the bathroom covered with blood all over his face, body, just everywhere.  
  
By the time he got right in front of his so called room, Dudley came in front of him. "Hi idiot!" he said with a laugh. He was holding a baseball bat, which he never uses, just for Harry beatings.  
  
Oh no. Harry thought "I think Dad didn't teach you the whole lesson yet." He said maliciously. He started hitting his chins on his legs. Harry was attempting to stand up, but his legs, were falling nearer to the ground form all the pain the hitting is causing. It hurt so much he fell on the grond with both his hands on his legs. When Dudley stoped, he walked down the hallway for breakfast.  
  
Harry opened his door, and crawled into his bed wiping all the blood with his bed sheets, which had old blood smeared on them already. He thought about his friends. "I gotta stay away from them or they will feel this" he whispered to himself. 


	2. Author Notes

Author Notes  
  
Everything except the plot which is very similar to other angst/depression/guilt stories, but I promise this will be different. All Characters belong to brilliant, Mrs. Rowling. The next chapter might not be up till next Saturday cause of my overloading homework assign from my teacher. But I doubt that it would take that long. Plz Read and Review. I don't mind Flames cause I know we all have our opinions.  
  
Laterz! 


	3. For Thier Own Good

Broken Inside  
  
Chapter 2:For their own good. None of the characters belong to me. All belong to J.K Rowling! *  
  
.***  
  
"Gee, how can I leave them.?" I say to myself. Want to save them from Vodermont, pain, the suffer? My head talks back. "Well yeah of course I do" I snapped back. That's why I want to get away from them from the first place. Besides I don't even know why I''m even fighting over myself.  
  
"It's final I have to leave them no matter how much there gonna hate me for this" I say out with determination. Even barely higher that a whisper you can feel his determination. Harry was still in pain all over, but finally all the blood stopped, but Harry was sure that he had a few broken bones on his arms and legs.  
  
"Why I'm I so cold, I mean it's the 1'st of July.. I think" I muttered. I shot a short glance at the clock, 5:55, the next day. A jolt of pain got released from his neck. Probably from the back and head injuries.  
  
"Ugg.I feel so.ouch! Like an old man." I said while I got up before Uncle Vernon got up at 6:30 for breakfast. Oh yeah include his fat son and his too horse face wife. I was going down the stairs fairly well till I heard the phone rang.  
  
Ring.Ring.  
  
I almost fell down, everything seems to make me unsecured. I walked to the phone, my hand was shaking. I picked it up on time.  
  
"Hello.." I shuddered.  
  
"Harry! This is Hermione and Ron! We are so worried about you. You never answer out owls" replied Hermione in a high pitch volume, which mad Harry fall to his knees slowly. It was a habit. Everytime Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia or Dudley and is gang of cowards accused him of something he knew he was going to beat him for whatever he supposedly done. Harry didn't reply. There was a period of silence till Hermione spoke once again. "Harry are you okay?" Behind the phone Harry can here muffs of Ron saying: Hermione let me try, or You know it all.  
  
Harry finally had the energy to get off the floor and stand up and hang the phone up. I have to make them feel that if I don't need them, and remember Harry this is for their own good.  
  
Right after that thought, he stumbled into the kitchen slowly. He fell on the ground many times on the way. When he finally finished making all the eggs, bangeres and mash ( a England breakfast dish: Mash potatoes and sausages) and heaps of pancakes, Uncle Vernon came down.  
  
"This better not be poison! You have to try it first!" he demanded. "If you don't I'll beat you up again."  
  
Harry dragged his body over. He never really had any food all summer. Will his body take it? His body was shaking all in fear. He took and spoon and spooned and spoonful of mash potatoes. He ate it slowly. After it was all gulped down he felt this tingle in his stomach, which wasn't a really nice one. He rushed as fast as his little injuusred legs wound take him and threw up.  
  
Oh no! Vernon going to think I threw up cause it's poison. Ron.Hermione.  
  
Author Notes: Cliffhanger. okay I know it's Sunday. Sorry! I had to get a few things done this weekend. And some of my classmates are coming over to get some work done. Cough Denny cough Invites himself over!! Next chapter erm.Friday?? 


	4. More Beatings

Broken Inside  
  
Chapter: 4  
  
Disclaimer: All the Characters and anything you recognize from her absolutely fabulous books, obviously, from the Harry Potter Series.  
  
***  
  
Err.I absolutely knew it, my stomach wouldn't handle it! Harry thought. Oh no! Vernon is going to beat me. Harry got up, ready to hide from Vernon, but it was too late. Vernon was leaning on the bathroom door lazily.  
  
"See it's poison. You were going to feed me poison!" Vernon now was dark purple with one spot of pink on each cheek. "Remember what I said if you feed me poison?"  
  
Harry wasn't going to let him beat him, or he was going to attempt to show Vernon he wasn't just a useless boy. "No Uncle, you said if I don't eat some of the food I made for your selfish family, you would beat me up" said Harry cheekily even he knew he just made the situation even worse.  
  
"How dare you talk back to me!" Vernon boomed, in a magenta pink colour, which Harry never made Vernon turn into before. If he wasn't in this situation he would be laughing his head off, but his face just gave Harry the shivers up his spine.  
  
Vernon walked closer to Harry making loud thumps, and grabbed Harry by his ripped over large T-shirt. Slowly Harry's body raised into the bathroom, heading to the nearest wall. "This is going to hurt more that you can image you, Potter," Vernon growled, in a whispered, but stilled had the force which has the same effect as him yelling. Now Harry was right against the wall behind the bathroom door.  
  
My.back hurts.Harry you know you deserves it.Just thing about Cedric.Mum.Dad.Mr. Crouch.not Mr. Crouch jr.look what they had to go through.the killing curse.instant death. Harry thought, while he hanged.  
  
Vernon lifted his fist, and growled out, "Now this better teach you a lesson, not to poison me!" A few seconds after, he started punching Harry as hard as he could. Just after a few hits, Harry was bloody all over. All his wounds from the last bathroom incident, all peeled opened. All the bruises, which were healing from the all the pervious beatings, turned all purple, once again. Harry was attempting not to moan or whimper in pain, but couldn't help it. It was way too much pain to hold inside at once.  
  
Once Vernon glanced at Harry's bloody body after several other punches in the head. He paused, seemed to be in a deep thought, making wrinkles in his chubby forehead. "That should be enough," he said in a happy tone, giving Harry a last punch on the back. "Now bust!" he yelled.  
  
Harry wobbled to his room and sighed in pain. Right then, a owl came through the window with a bright red envelope.  
  
*** I'm am soo sorry!! Okay I got an excuse!! Just listen to it..okay.Last Friday I had to finish a massive project due on Tuesday. I've been working on that all last weekend. That really sucked cause I was gonna watch the Harry Potter COS. Then on Monday I had to finish the final touches for that project. On Tues. I had Volleyball practice, same with today (Weds), along with math homework. But guess what!! We got our report card back and I got straight A's!! Well gotta bust.  
  
Laterz 


	5. Friends for Ever?

Broken Inside  
  
Chapter 5 - Friends for Ever?  
  
***  
  
Ron's owl to be totally exact, Pigwidgeon, his little sister, Ginny named him. Pig's claws were attached to a bright red envelope. Harry knew what it was right away, a howler. Pig released the howler from its claws, dropping it right above Harry's bloody bed. Right when it hit the bed one of the doors in the house slam closed with Vernon's aggressive voice echoing after, "You better be good or  
  
"Thank god they are gone," Harry muttered to himself, knowing if Vernon was still here, he would receive a painful punishment. The corners of the howler started to smoke and whistle. "Uh oh it's gonna explode soon."  
  
Harry then closed his bedroom window, and blinds as fast as his injured bdoy could take him. Just after the howler exploded.  
  
"HARRY POTTER! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU. NOT REPLING ANY OF OUR LETTERS AND HANGING UP THE BLODDY PHONE, ESPECIALLY ON ME!! I CAN'T TRUST YOU ANYMORE! I'VE READ THE DAILY PROPHET! YOU KILLED CEDRIC DIGGORY! I DON'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD WHAT YO SAID. YOU-KNOW-CAME BACK! YOU THINK YOU CAN DENY THIS? JUST BECAUSE YOUR FAMOUS HARRY POTTER!" screamed Hermione Granger's shaky screechy angry voice, but that wasn't all, Ron voice took over, "YOU CALL ANY FRIEND OF MINE! ABSOULTELY NOT, I LIKED THE OLD HARRY, BUT A MURDER FOR A BEST FRIEND ISN'T MY STYLE! KEEP AWAY FROM MY FAMILY. YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS YOU-KNOW-WHO. I'M NOT EVEN GONNA CALL YOU BY YOU FIRST NAME! YOU'RE A DISGRACE. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU HAVE EVEN BEEN INTO MY HOUSE, MY ROOM. I'VE LET A MURDER INTO MY BLODDY HOUSE! NOW FROM NOW ON YOU ARE OUT OF MY LIFE. YOUY HAVE NO WAY GETTING BACK IN!"  
  
It ended right there. The howler finally stopped smoking. Harry was bewildered, he just couldn't believe a word, a sentence, what two of his best friends just yelled out. It had to be real, it was their voices. Harry was completely positive, it was them. He memorized everything about them, their voices, habits, face expressions, hobbies, favorites, writing habits, just about everything. It wasn't a fake howler from Voldermort. It was true, he never wrote back their letters, when they were terribly worried, but it was for their own good.  
  
Harry leaned against one of his bedroom walls and, slowly slid down. His eyes desperately wanted to start to flood with tears, but Harry had to keep them bottle inside. He remembered what he thought in the bathroom, "14 and 15 years old don't cry." That to Harry was a promise. He wouldn't cry for Ron and Hermione. Why should he?  
  
Harry thought, if they despise him, and if I ignore them, Voldermort wouldn't think I loved them. Of course I still love them. Those two are like my sister and brother. If they ever get hurt, I'll just die. Literally die! So if I ignore them they wouldn't get hurt, I should be grateful.  
  
Harry couldn't still help himself from being ripped apart. They don't even believe him that he didn't kill Cedric, and Voldermort is back. He was completely sure, he saw it from his own eyes. He even helped get him back. Voldermort has his blood, but not freely of course! He wish he could just of told Ron and Hermione that he had to stay far away from them, just for their own safety, but he doubt it would even work.  
  
It's for their own good.Harry thought over and over again till he fell asleep into a frightful nightmare.  
  
*** Here's the next chapter. Whoo.two chapters in 1 week. Pretty good for me you know! Next chapter erm.I better not make any promises cause you know me.can't keep them unfortunately.  
  
And oh yeah! Thanks for the Reviews, I really appreciate them very much.  
  
Laterz 


	6. Flooding Lies

Broken Inside  
  
Chapter 6: Flooding Lies  
  
Everything here is not mine except the plot.  
  
***  
  
Harry's vision had total new scenery, not his bedroom, but some sort of graveyard, the one he was sent to on the 3rd task. Pitch back, Harry could feel the cold temperature, sending shivers though out his skinny body. Suddenly, three ghostly figures appeared Lily and James Potter and Cedric Diggory.  
  
"Mum.Dad.Cedric?" Harry whispered softly, tying to reached them, but every time he stretches they back up. So does Cedric.  
  
His mother spoke first, "I call you my son.my baby son.NO way! My son wouldn't kill a innocent boy with a incredible future that was ahead of him, he wouldn't kill his own mother and father." Just those two statements tore Harry apart. He can feel the burning in his eyes.  
  
Remember 14 and almost 15 years old DON"T cry. What would Ron say if he saw me cry. He'll see me as a total wimp! Why do I even care? Our friendship is down the toilet, those two just don't understand. And my own mother is.accusing him of kill her and his dad. Not to mention Cedric, well he I did kill him.I told him to touch the cup. Harry thought.  
  
His mother was still rattling words, in Harry's mind. "You did this and that!" More and more mistakes and wishing she'd never have giving birth to him.  
  
Is that what you want mother.that is also what I want.Why should I still living? I just kill everybody that is dear to me and even kills random people. Harry thought with dark facial expression, while the ghostly figure of his father came up. He really looked like him, except his eyes. His father's eyes were crystal blue.  
  
James Potter drifted towards Harry till he was nose to nose to him. "You are no Potter! More like a Malfoy! A filthy Malfoy!" he growled in a bitter voice, "MY son would have been brave, loyal, polite," Then at this part of his sentence his voice came in a jolly, "An awesome prankster, best in Hogwarts!" Then suddenly his face came back to the expression as he started his ranting, and backed off. Slowly he wrapped his arms around Lily Potter's waist, and trying to calm her down.  
  
Cedric then came up, but before he can say anything, Harry spoke.  
  
"Cedric, I know this is my fault that you are now dead. All of because of me. I deserve to die with a guilty soul. I told you to take the bloody cup with me," Harry said with his bottom lip trembling violently.  
  
"It is your fault!" Cedric spoke with a fierce voice, with his right index finger pointing at him, "You should die with a guilty soul, you deserve it!"  
  
After than a vibrant green light flashed and Harry woke up in his "bed". His face was cover with sweat, his left hand was clutching his lighting bolt scar. His head still throbbed with pain, and his insides were feeling guilty, empty, and depressed. His skinny body was shaking very violently when he heard a sudden sound, and while it's dead quiet he just shuddered.  
  
I deserve to be like this.I wish this can all end.death.that's the answers.death can wash a the memories away.mom and dad were right I did kill them.I won't be at heaven where they are.Hell that is where I'm gonna be.waiting for Voldermort, thought Harry.  
  
*** I am so sorry! Seriously! I've been so busy with tests.aeg..fractions aren't my thing! Christmas shopping, Christmas, my new cousin! Parties.I know I'm suppose to write instead of going to parties. Like on my last chapter, I completely can keep promises like these. I'll start on the next chapter right now.who knows when it's gonna be finished. ( 


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